Now hiring · One position · Extremely competitive

Bitch
For Paul

Positions are limited. Paul is not.

Have you ever looked at a man and thought, "I would carry that man's shopping"? Good news. Paul is accepting applications for the role of his personal bitch.

Apply now See the evidence
Paul, looking frankly irresistible
Pictured: Paul. Not pictured: anyone good enough for him (yet).

Why Paul?

Paul has run the numbers. Paul came out on top.

11/10Smile rating, independently verified by Paul
100%Satisfaction rate (sample size: Paul)
30+Tech projects on the go at once, and he's still got time for you
0Times Paul has admitted he was wrong. That's confidence.

The evidence

Exhibits A to Z. The prosecution rests.

Paul, exhibit 1
Exhibit 1
Paul, exhibit 2
Exhibit 2
Paul, exhibit 3
Exhibit 3
Paul, exhibit 4
Exhibit 4

What people are saying

"He's a lovely boy. He should ring more."

Paul's dad

"He turns me on"

His laptop

"Honestly the best man I've ever seen in a mirror."

Paul

"Ten out of ten. Strongest connection I've ever had."

His Wi-Fi, anonymously

The role

You will

  • Agree with Paul, warmly and often
  • Laugh at Paul's jokes within 0.5 seconds
  • Hype Paul up before, during and after any outfit
  • Pretend Paul's tech projects are interesting

You will receive

  • Access to Paul (limited, but generous)
  • Unlimited viewing of Paul's selfies
  • Movie nights on his streaming setup, subject to good behaviour
  • The quiet glow of being near greatness

Apply to be Paul's bitch

Take your time. Paul can tell when you've rushed it.

Is Paul the most attractive man you've ever seen?
Relevant skills Tick all that apply. Ticking all of them is encouraged.
Can you keep up with Paul?
When can you start?